Adjusting to Living Alone
If you find yourself recently divorced widowed, retired, or have relocated for work or school there can be a major adjustment period to suddenly living alone. Let me start by saying I am sorry, or congratulations, depending on your situation.
Loneliness can be an issue along with boredom and just plain not knowing how to fill your time. The good news is that there are steps you can take to make the transition easier and ultimately feel much less alone.
It may seem strange or forced at first to make yourself do things and commit to a regular routine, but really you have been doing that all of your life. Think back to periods of change in your life like a new job, college or starting a relationship. All of these milestones required adjustment and restructuring your life but were likely much less noticeable due to the new event and the fact that there was more to occupy your mind. The change of living alone is much the same, but this time there are fewer distractions, so it feels worse. Allow yourself time to adjust without forced expectations.
Recognize there will be emotional ups and downs. You might feel lonely or uneasy at times, and that’s completely normal. Allow yourself to have these emotions and know that they will pass. Self-compassion goes a long way in helping you adjust and enjoy your solo life.
Get rid of stereotypes or thoughts of what you “should” or “shouldn’t” do such as “people who eat at restaurants alone are undesirable” or “I don’t want to be a third wheel”. Your circumstances are what they are. Being by yourself is ok, many people are. Recognize that while this feeling is new to you and seems huge, it is not a big deal to other people, and they probably don’t even give it much thought.
Learn to appreciate solitude. Do not rush to fill your days as a distraction from aloneness, instead learn to appreciate your own company. Start with something small, like watching a sunset on your own or having a slow, mindful breakfast. Really listen to your thoughts, chances are you are funny, smart and as a bonus, you will always agree with yourself. Over time, these small moments can build a deep sense of contentment with solitude.
Embrace the opportunity to turn your home into a space that feels like a true sanctuary, uniquely tailored to you. For example, you could set up a cozy reading nook, create a mini meditation corner, or decorate a specific space with things that bring you joy. Personalize it with colors, decor, and items that make you happy and relaxed. You don’t need to re-do everything, just adding small touches, like cozy blankets, artwork, or meaningful decorations, can make your home feel warm and welcoming. This kind of personal space can help you feel safe, centered, and content.
Stay Organized with a Cleaning Routine. With no one else to share the household chores, it can be easy for things to pile up, but it can also be freeing and feel much less like a chore with a deadline. Create a cleaning routine around your schedule that keeps things manageable, like dedicating a few minutes each day to tidying up, or setting aside a “cleaning day” once a week. Anything that works for you is the way to go, no more worrying about adhering to someone else’s idea of how and when things should be done. Keeping your space organized and tidy can have a positive effect on your mood and make your home feel even more welcoming.
Consider a plant companion. If the solitude feels overwhelming, consider adding plants to your household. Plants can bring life and beauty into your space, giving you something to care for. Plants can also be mood boosters and have other health benefits. The surprising benefits of Indoor Plants.
Try to stick to a schedule and routine, at least at first. It is so easy to put things off and tell yourself “I’ll get to it later” or “why bother”. Try very hard to avoid this as not completing tasks and letting things pile up leaves no room for a sense of accomplishment. It can make the days longer and it will feel like life is just a blur.
Use your solo time to explore interests you may have put on the back burner. Whether it’s cooking new recipes, experimenting with a hobby, or taking an online class, trying new things can bring a sense of excitement and growth. Plus, developing new interests can bring structure to your time and reduce feelings of boredom.
Host gatherings to stay connected. Just because you live alone doesn’t mean you have to always be alone! Invite friends over for a casual dinner, movie night, or even a solo-hosted game night. Hosting gives you a chance to dive deep into the preparation for the event, cleaning, cooking, menu planning and selecting just the right wine or drink recipe can fill days of preparation. Searching for new fun and original food and drink can take you to many specialty shops and grocers you may not have tried before. Keep in mind the point of hosting is to give you things to do, not to obsess over the outcome.
Adjusting to living alone is a process, and there’s no rush to have it all figured out. Take your time, explore what brings you joy and comfort, and embrace this new chapter as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. You may find that living alone gives you a unique kind of freedom and independence that’s deeply rewarding, or you might completely hate it. Either way, remember that this is just one of many changes you will face in life.